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'The Power of Unexpected Miracles' - Why It Took So Long To Write
As many of you know, I just recently launched my first book, entitled “The Power of Unexpected Miracles”. I have been asked quite frequently these last couple of weeks why it took so long to write. In fact, one of the first readers who downloaded my digital ebook, messaged me and ask why it took over 21 ‘YEARS’ to write my story. Well… I shall tell you why.
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What was holding me back?
First of all, at the time that all of this took place ’21 years ago’, I was busy being a full-time mother of three – ages 6, 15 months and a newborn… I was and am still married to a wonderful Lebanese man who insists on a hot meal every day when coming home from work, had a household to maintain, etc.
Did I also mention that it took almost a full year recovering from a severe case of post-partum depression. So, needless to say, I had a lot on my plate at the time.
I also didn’t have the necessary courage to go out of my comfort zone at the time. I was content just living one day at a time and being grateful to have the life I did have. I didn’t want to play the ‘victim’ card and certainly didn’t want anybody feeling sorry for myself.
What happened happen and it is what it was. And sincerely, it was just too painful to rehash the past events. Plus I still was grieving silently over the death of both my father-in-law and mother. I needed to heal.
Life Goes On...
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Life goes on as they say. And as any mother will tell you, children are your life. As they grow up, go to school, you become actively
involved in everything they do… Being busy was my ‘middle name’. I was always trying to keep up with school, car-pooling, the girls’ soccer practice, band, and school fund-raising events. Oh! Did I mention all the homework ‘craft’ work we parents do for our kids thru-out their elementary and junior-high years?!?
During those formidable years of raising my three daughters, I did manage to have close conversations with a couple of my very close
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friends. From time to time they would mention and encourage me to share my experience with others but I would shrug it off and explain that I didn’t want to step on anybody’s toes. Plus, I didn’t want to be ‘preachy’ like so many parents of my grade school children were.
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And for whatever reason, I still carried a lot of shame when reliving the difficult and challenging time of being depressed. No body cares to hear your story, or so I thought.
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It's not nice to talk about it!
I hate to admit this but it is true. I was made to believe that ‘it wasn’t nice to talk about these things’. That anything to do with depression is something you keep private. I was reminded to be ‘respectful’ of others, especially my ‘in-laws’ who were from a different culture than mine.
I didn’t question this for many years. Even my own mother taught myself and siblings early on in our childhood, that ‘if we didn’t have something nice to say, then don’t say a word’.
What am I referring to specifically, you might ask. It was coming out in a public way and admitting I had suffered traumatic post-partum depression. I didn’t want anybody thinking I had gone ‘crazy’. Plus my husband didn’t want anybody on his side of the family to know I had been seen by a psychiatrist on a regular basis in my recovery process.
And don’t get me started about admitting to ‘anyone’ about being on any type of an ‘anti-depressant’!
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My Turning point Arrives
We experience many turning points in our lives. And being true to my message of my book just published, ‘The Power of Unexpected Miracles”, I firmly believe this timeline was orchestrated by God. (He knows when the time is correct…)
It’s one thing to want to share my story to someone verbally. It’s quite another when one actually makes the decision to ‘put it in writing’.
In September 2018, I made the decision that I wanted to become a blogger. Why? Because soon my husband would be retiring and we promised one another that when that time came, we would literally ‘travel the world’.
I always loved to write. With the way technology is these days, the ability to connect via wifi, is available literally anywhere in the world! It was portable! I soon realized that writing was a latent passion that finally I was able to pursue.
As my blog grew, I knew I needed a way to monetize to help pay for the expenses of maintaining a professional website and to keep up with the latest technology involved.
After less than stellar results of trying to become a proficient ‘Affiliate’ with one of the more reputable ‘big firms’ (you know who I’m talking about, right? It starts with the letter ‘A’…), I needed another option.
It was actually my innovative web developer, Umair Qureshi, who presented me with creating a digital electronic book (ebook) as an option to think about. But he didn’t let me think about it, he literally told me to write something that I was an expert on or something I was passionate about!
After much contemplation, I knew what I wanted to write about. The time had come for me to put ‘pen to paper’ and tell my life story about the miraculous birth of my daughter Nadean and my own survival through the process as well.
And I did. I easily wrote my first draft of the manuscript. In so doing, writing this major part of my personal life became a combination of reminiscence and evaluation. I found meaning in the progression from one event to the next. By the simple act of writing, I was able to clearly resonate the message I was trying to convey to my readers. After approximately 10,000 words and 9 chapters, I was done. Or so I thought.
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There's something missing!
It was indeed a labor of love when completing my first draft manuscript. I sent copies to a couple of trusted friends and a fellow blogger who I admired, Michelle Sillery from The Perfectly Imperfect Mummy Blog. I’ll never forget the email I received from her.
While she praised my writing and the message I was conveying, in her honest and upfront assessment, she wrote:
“…I want to read between the lines & not just the stand out events. You write so beautifully so I want to get inside your head and as such, to find out & know what your internal struggles were, etc…”
This Australian Mum was so intuitive. She didn’t miss a beat! She instinctively ‘knew’ I was holding out on my story. What was missing was not only the grieving process but admitting the struggle and heart-breaking experience of enduring ‘post-partum depression’. She intellectually challenged me and asked why would I leave something so significant out of my story. It needed to be told!
Here’s that self-doubt creeping into my psyche. I found myself still hiding from coming out to the world that I did indeed suffer from a mental health disorder known as post-partum depression. Michelle was right, I needed to rewrite my story and weave it in, which I did.
I thank her for giving me that much-needed ‘nudge’ and I am proud of completing this updated and final manuscript presenting it to my readers.
So… that’s why it took me this long to write my story! But I’m proud of myself for doing so, and I can’t wait to continue the journey that God has in store for me. Blessings to all.
Please feel free to leave a comment below! Thanks for your support!